Phoenix Language Association: JOKE

JOKE

Wife- "I wish you'd bring home pineapple, John. Mother is coming today, and you know she'd give half her life for a good pineapple."
John- "Really! Then I'll bring two!"

"Aunt Mary has a new baby," a mother told her small daughter.
"What was wrong with the old one?" answered the little girl.

Mother: Mary, you should close your eyes when you pray, like everyone else.
Mary: Yes,Mother, but how do you know I don't?

"I wouldn't cry like that if I were you," said a lady to little Betty.
"Well," said Betty, between her sobs, "you can cry any way you like, but this is my way."

"Mother," said a little boy after coming from a walk. "I've seen a man who makes horses."
"Are you sure?" asked his mother.
"Yes," he replied. "He had a horse nearly finished when I saw him. He was just nailing him on his feet."

A little girl was discribing her first experience in an elevator.
"We got into a little room", she said, "and the upstairs came down."

"Didn't you promise me to be a good boy?"
"Yes, father."
"And didn't I promise you a thrashing if you weren't?"
"Yes, father, but as I've broken my promise, you needn't keep yours."

"My boy, when you grow up I want you to be a gentleman."
"I don't want to be a gentleman, pop – I want to be like you."

Father - "When I was a little boy, I always ate the crusts."
Willie - "Did you like them?"
Father -"Of course, I did!"
Willie – "Then you can have mine."

"Pa, may I ask you a question?"
"Certainly, my child"
"Well, where is the wind when it doesn't blow?"

The teacher had been giving a lecture to his class on modern inventions. "Can any of you boys," he said, "tell me of anything of importance which did not exist fifty years ago?"
"Me," exclaimed the brightest pupil.

Pupil – "Do you think it's right to punish folks for things they haven't done?"
Teacher – "why, of course not Willie."
Pupil – "Well, I didn't do my homework?"

Father (meaningly) – "Who is the laziest member of you class, Tommy?"
Tommy - I don't know, pa."
Father - I should think you should know. When all the others are industriously studying or writing their lessons, who is it sits idly in his seat and watches the rest, instead of working himself?"
Tommy - "The teacher."

She – "You remind me of the ocean."
He – "Wild, romantic and restless?"
She – "No, you just make me sick"

A son college wrote his father! "No Mon, no fun, your son."
The father answered:
"How sad, too bad, your dad."

Teacher: How old is your father
Boy: As old as me
Teacher: How can that be
Boy: He became a father only when I was born
Teacher: Kumar, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his
Kumar: No, teacher, it's the same dog
Girl: "Mum, teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school
"Mother: "That's nice of her to take such an interest. What did she say when you told her you are the only child
" Girl: "She just said, 'Thank goodness'"
Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair"
Student: "No comb, Sir"
Teacher: "Use your dad's then"
Student: "No hair, Sir"
Teacher: Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student: A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher: How
Student: Ladies first
TEACHER: John, go to the map and find North America
John: Here it is
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America
CLASS: John
TEACHER: What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots
John: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home
TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested John: A Teacher!

One day Lil Johny says to his father:
I want to get married.
Father: Oh, so do you have someone special in your mind?
Johny: Yes , Grandma
Father: What? There is a problem now, you want to marry my Mother?
Johny: Why not? You married my mother
L.Johnny: Can I go to the toilet?
Teacher: Johhny, MAY I go to the toilet?
L.Johnny: But I asked first!
Summer vacation was over and the teacher asked Little Johnny about hisfamily trip.
"We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis , Minnesota .
"The teacher asked, "Good, can you tell the class how you spell that?"
Little Johnny said, "Actually, we went to Ohio ."
"Johnny, did your Mother help you with your homework last night?" the teacher asked.
"No, she did it all," Little Johnny replied.
"Dad," said Little Johnny,
"I'm late for football practice. Would youplease do my homework for me?"
Little Johnny's father said irately, "Son, it just wouldn't be right."
"That's okay," replied Little Johnny "At least you could try, right?"
Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another,how many dollars would you have?
Little Johnny: One dollar.
Teacher(sadly): You don't know your arithmetic.
Little Johnny (sadly): You don't know my father

2 Comments:

Unknown said...
July 25, 2008 at 10:57 AM
thanks they are greate.

Unknown said...
November 12, 2009 at 12:48 AM
thank you,fun is fun.